Big bottoms for better health?
The latest love-my-body nonsense claims that extra meat in the seat might be good for you...as long as you're not fat anywhere else.
C'mon -- even if it is true, have you ever heard a theory as pointless as that one?
The study from the Department of Nonsense finds that gluteofemoral fat -- better known as cheek meat, and I'm not talking about the cheeks on your face -- can protect you from cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, and even some forms of cancer.
The study, which wasted a few pages of the International Journal of Obesity, also found that extra weight anywhere else on the body would cancel those benefits out -- as if you can pick and choose your fatty deposits from a mail- order catalog.
Want to know what's really going on here? These same butt- loving researchers also say this area needs more study.
Hello -- sounds like someone's gunning for another grant. I hope they don't get too up-close and personal with their subjects.
When I see someone with a big bubble butt bouncing down the street, I don't see a healthy human being...I see a heart attack waiting to happen.
That's because those blimpy bottoms are almost always attached to Hindenburg-sized bodies...and even when they're not I can't think of a good reason to pack extra pounds on anywhere, no matter what fancy words they might have for it.
If you want to stay healthy, there's one place where you can have all the fat you want: On your plate. No one needs to add fat to the body -- unless you're a dangerously underweight vegan and have recently switched back to beef.
Eat a diet rich in animal fats and proteins and you'll be lean, mean and probably smarter than the average researcher. You'll also have a lower risk for diabetes and cardiovascular disease than anyone with a titanic tush.
And you won't need to shop around for a specially designed pair of pants to fit your plus-sized bottom.
With no ifs, ands, or butts,
William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.
