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The WIRE: Your week in review

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The WIRE: Your week in review

04.13.18 11:00 AM

From Comey’s new tune to Air Force Un — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest® presents: The WIRE!

With disgraced ex-FBI Director James Comey’s memoir forthcoming, the media are practically peeing their onesies to attack the president, even resurrecting the infamous Fusion GPS fake dossier which was funded by Hillary Clinton and her cronies. I wonder if that will hurt sales?

Why buy it when we can listen to the media read it cover to cover?

Secretary of State nominee Mike Pompeo served four terms in the House, including serving on the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, and was Director of the CIA for two years. So of course Senator Cory Booker asked him about “gay sex” during his confirmation hearings.

He got his questions for Pompeo and emails from “T-Bone” confused.

Missile attacks on Syrian bases, increasingly belligerent talk from both sides and now Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is warning his countrymen to stock up on gas masks and other “prepper” vitals.

Almost like we should have seen this coming.

Trump took dead aim at Syrian dictator Asaad, his use of chemical weapons on his own people and also blasted Russia for their support of the embattled strongman, whom he called a “Gas Killing Animal.” Didn’t Gas Killing Animal open for Black Flag in the late 80s?

They had that one hit “Chlorine Chaos.”

Meanwhile, Putin told Russians to buy gas masks and water. If the Democrats’ conspiracy theory about he and Trump rigging the election is true, then Trump definitely got the better end of that deal.

Vladimir, you magnificent bastard! You shoulda read my book!

Facebook fuhrer Mark Zuckerberg appeared on Capitol Hill this week, ostensibly to answer congressional questions about his social media platform’s allegedly cavalier attitude about its users’ privacy. However, the hearings were hampered by the technological divide between questioners and witness.

No Senator, I have no idea why your VHS player still says it’s 12:00.

“Is this smile convincing, Nancy Unit?”

“Stop saying ‘unit.’ The humans are catching on.”

The FBI’s raid on Trump attorney Michael Cohen’s office this week stemmed from a tip from Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Can’t wait to hear how this relates to Mueller’s investigation of Russian attempts to hack the 2016 election.

Next up: they’re gonna boot the presidential limo because Mueller heard Trump has unpaid parking tickets.

Inundated by a tide of Islamofascist terrorism, our special friends on the old side of the pond are getting to work on — barring kitchen cutlery. Guess the mullahs will just have to make do with trucks and bombs.

Is that Cookie Monster? “D is for dumbass; not good enough for me!”

They’re not kidding. Check out the deadly weapons London-area police found during a sweep. “Safely disposed and taken off the streets,” crowed the cops.

Finally put an end to London’s epidemic of bolt-loosenings and *squints* wire-strippings.

According to the latest Quinnipiac survey, Parkland student activists like David Hogg have a 22-62 percent favorable-unfavorable rating among Republican voters. Apparently, calling decent people “pathetic f*ckers that want to keep killing our children” doesn’t poll well.

Vote Democrat, you pathetic, child-killing f*ckers!

The Broward County School Board announced this week that they will not take part in state program allowing certain school employees to carry weapons on campus. They prefer the “safety” provided by Sheriff Scott Israel and his deputies.

We’re on the case. Unless it gets scary… in which case, you kids are on your own.

As if the catastrophic failures by the Broward County Sheriff and Broward County Schools that led directly to the Parkland atrocity weren’t enough, the school system is apparently sitting on $100 million unspent dollars specifically earmarked for student safety measures.

For that kind of scratch, they could have hired the NRA to provide security — or anyone else, for that matter.

So that big “The NRA took Russian money” story the anti-liberty hate groups and their media flacks have been shrieking about? About that… they “took” about $2,500, mostly from American members paying dues from overseas. For those of you scoring at home, that’s about 1/200,000 of what Planned Parenthood get from American taxpayers.

And the NRA didn’t even get a Lamborghini.

With North Korea’s Air Force — mostly aging Soviet and Chinese surplus — not up to the challenge of safely flying Lil’ Kim to a denuclearization meeting with President Trump, looks like the NoKo Navy may have to step up.

Ahoy, imperialist pig-dogs!

Senate Democrats reported this week that their internal records show no credible physical threat to EPA Director Scott Pruitt, which they say proves his high security costs are unnecessary.

The Democrats checked “internal records,” huh? Welp, I’m convinced.

As the world marked Holocaust Remembrance Day, a new study indicates 41 percent of Americans and 66 percent of millennials have limited understanding of the Holocaust and no idea what Auschwitz was.

But they can name all 14 currently accepted genders and the ingredients in most laundry detergent.

Rumors swirled this week that the National Enquirer may have deliberately squashed gossip which may have been embarrassing to the president? Shocked! I am shocked that the media would participate in such chicanery!

Not really.

Disgraced ex-Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told the comedy blog Buzzfeed this week that she’s not feeling the feminist love for President Donald Trump’s administration, which she claims is “all white men.”

*Nikki Haley, Elaine Chao, Betsy DeVos, Kirstjen Nielsen, Gina Haspel, Heather Wilson, Kellyanne Conway, Jovita Carranza, Linda McMahon, Sarah Sanders, Ben Carson and Ivanka Trump were all unavailable for comment.

House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) surprised this week when he announced he will not be seeking re-election. While conservatives noted Ryan’s weak credentials on issues like illegal immigration, liberals rallied to the concept of a Democrat Speaker of the House.

As if there would be that much of a difference.

And that’s your week in review! For the Personal Liberty Digest®, I’m Ben Crystal saying “See you next week, on The WIRE!”

The post The WIRE: Your week in review appeared first on Personal Liberty®.

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